Please enjoy this interview with Mike and Badlydrawnbear (not their real names) who generously shared some of their experiences and expertise around injecting speed for this article. Speedometer, Mike and Badlydrawnbear talked for about 45 minutes; here is what we talked about.

Speedometer: Could you tell me a little about how you got introduced to injecting?

Mike: I had snorted speed a few times so I was a little bit familiar with what speed did-but not really. It kept me up all night and I had sex and that was about it. It wasn't a big part of my life. A few years later I did it again one or two weekends and went on with my life. About a year later I happened to be invited to a sex party and everyone was slamming it and I said "Well, why not". I was with one of the guys there and he was someone that I trusted- I liked him- I thought he was a cool guy- and so that's how it happened.

Badlydrawnbear: I'd been selling speed for 2 years and started going to the needle exchange just to carry needles for my clients so I would have cleans for them. And just like everything in my life I wanted to try it before I quit it. If I had quit using speed and never injected then there might have been this thing that would draw me back into speed. I am not saying that doing speed was bad at that point, or is bad in general, I just wanted to make sure I tried it. That's where I am at today. If I quit speed today I'll be happy because I have tried everything that I can think of as far as this drug is concerned- that's kind of how I've done drugs all my life. I did Ecstasy for a year strait and I've not really done it since and we'll just see how speed goes, right now I like it, it's kind of something to do, but better in moderation probably.

Speedometer: Before you had tried injecting, what did you think about it?

Badlydrawnbear: Well personally, I was that little kid that it took a bunch of orderlies in the hospital to hold down to get a shot. It wasn't until I was injecting that I actually understood what intravenous versus inter-muscular was. Inter-muscular with speed is called a miss- and it hurts like hell and causes abscesses. Those are things you don't understand until you are actually learning it and doing it. So like I said, I always stayed away from needles and to this day I like that fact that I don't want to get poked or pricked by some one else's needle and I consider things in sharps containers biohazard. I don't ever want to be comfortable around used injection equipment. That's why, when I am partying, if I m injecting myself or someone- it's not a party and everybody takes everything real serious until that part is done- complete. That's the way it has to be done. That way mistakes aren't made, dirties go where dirties go and cleans are known to be clean and shown to people before they are used. I take it very seriously- and a lot of people that know me... sometimes I can bring you down real hard and real fast- but it's only serious until that part is over.

Speedometer: So before you started you didn't like needles?

Badlydrawnbear: No, and to this day I really don't.

Mike: I was very naïve about speed, up until I used it. So I didn't think about it before I injected that much, to tell you the truth. Maybe like the 5th time I ever used speed I injected it. Before that I never associated speed use with needles- I associated needles with heroin use. So I think, to be really honest, I didn't think enough about it or know enough about it- which is why this project is great- why harm reduction is great- because information is getting out there to people and you can make a more informed choice. But when I started using speed it was very underground and people didn't talk about injecting. After I got into injecting I'd go to people's houses on a date or something and they would get all freaked out about me shooting. This was like 14 or 15 years ago, it's changed now, people aren't as freaked out.

Speedometer: So you got a lot of negative reactions to shooting early on?

Mike: Yes, I just thought that's how you did speed and then I realized that that's not how everyone thought.

Speedometer: How did you make the decision to try shooting and what was your first experience like?

Badlydrawnbear: It was sex, and it wasn't the greatest looking back, but there's been great times since. I knew when I did it that the feeling and everything I got was exactly what I was looking for and still is to this day. (Speedometer: Did you do it yourself or did someone else hit you and what was that like?) It was nothing having someone else do it. Now that I know how to do it properly myself... it was no big deal then- there have been times since that I've wanted someone else to hit me because it is a bonding experience- but not the first time. Its weird cause all my friends really don't care for the person who did it for them the first time and I refuse to hit somebody for the first time.

Mike: Someone else hit me, and I was gonna say it was love at first sight- but I don't know if that's really accurate. It was just a huge sexual energy that I had never experienced before- and it helped that the person who hit me was someone that I had the hots for and we were getting to know each other and it was a melding of personality, drugs, and sex and all that stuff at once- and we spent the whole weekend together fucking. And that was my first experience.

Speedometer: Did injecting change your experience of the high? Did it have any effect on your tolerance? How would you describe the difference?

Mike: I always enjoyed sex a lot you know, it was always a big part of my life. I always had a healthy attitude towards sexuality being part of the gay community, being very sex positive, and so I think that speed kind of fit along the lines of "don't be repressed" "let it all hang out". But (after I started injecting) I found that I started not showing up for appointments meeting people. The whole losing time thing was the first sign that this is a whole new way of doing drugs because I was usually very punctual and so many friends couldn't deal with the change of me not showing up- not calling, you know, that whole trip. I associate that with needle use because your sense of time just goes out the window. When you start from a place where you have friends who don't use and they knew you before you started shooting, then, they are not going to put up with it. At least that's what happened in the beginning. Now I figure it into my scheduling, I have more planned use than in the beginning when I didn't really know how it would affect me.

Badlydrawnbear: Before I was shooting speed I could get high off of it and I could also use it as a tool, to maintain, to get up on time, to do different things. Once I started shooting speed it became like...it was an adventure every time. I like the fact that you only had to shoot once a day and then you were off and going... but like you just said, you aren't exactly dependable because even though something was already planned- your adventure is sometimes impromptu and sometimes things come along- and then your off on that tangent. So it does kind of have a way of making having a real job and things like that hard.

Mike: I had a real tragic event happen in my life. I went on a two year run, spending money and going crazy and I got to a point where my tolerance was really high. When I would crash I could hardly move and getting out of the bed to go to the bathroom was a struggle and it was scary because when I would wake up I'd feel really sick because I was so tired because I was doing speed all the time- and I'd be up for a week. That is something most people can't do because they can't afford it. That was a real heavy tolerance beyond tolerance. That's not normal, but then again, when you use speed life happens. People may have to go through it. I went through a phase of being in and out of recovery and I was clean for 2 ½ years and then I went back to using speed and I went back to shooting it and somehow I knew from my last experience that I didn't want to do this by myself and I went to Stonewall and that was helpful. I started smoking it for the first time- for about a year and a half, I just smoked it. I understand from Stonewall that that is unusual. Now I go back and forth sometimes if I am feeling like either my veins are getting exhausted or I just want to use it to clean my house or I don't want to do a sex trip, I'll just smoke a bowl and it's an option. So I feel like I play with my tolerance a little bit.

Badlydrawnbear: In the past year and a half there's been a lot of fake shit out there. I could have probably been smoking that and been just as happy, but now that I run it...I don't want to do anything that's not real because I feel like someone's trying to hurt me or I am doing bad things to my body putting all this crap in it. I remember the first 2 or 3 times I ran it- coming off of it-crashing- oh my god, how do you move, oh my god, my whole body feels it, but I haven't felt like that forever because I don't ever let myself get there. One thing I am concerned about, it's these sudden times where I'll just get real tired during my day. Some of my friends can't even drive anymore. I wonder if I am screwing something up for later. I do know if you are doing real speed you have to pace yourself and anything over 30ml in a shot is a waste and if you are doing more than one shot at a time you are not doing it right.

Mike: You know, a lot of people--myself included sometimes--do it for the rush, and they are rush junkies. People who want to do two or three shots a day, that's what they're chasing. They're just spinning, and then they want another hit-that's something that I think you've got to be careful about with shooting, chasing the rush, because that's when you end up doing crappy speed--that's when people start selling you bunk stuff, because they know you'll just buy anything to get that rush- to feel good.

Speedometer: Yeah, it's hard to know what's in a bag

Mike: Yeah, nowadays.

Badlydrawnbear: Sugar.

Mike: Nowadays I usually take a little bit and I test it in a pipe.

Speedometer: Do you?

Mike: Yeah, I very rarely take it and just slam it. If I'm at someone's house, I figure, okay if they're doing it- I can do it, but I know people that have gotten bad stuff. I've had stuff that was not speed, and it just turned white, puffed up, and ruined my pipe. I mean, what the hell would that do in my veins? Then I complain like hell to my dealers. They haven't had a chance to test it. You know, they're selling crap. I've known two people that just ran it and died--I'm not sure if they were hot shotted or not. So smoking a bit first, that's my personal thing.

Speedometer: What, if anything, do you wish that you had known about safer injecting when you had first started shooting?

Mike: How to take care of my veins and how not to overdo it because you'll burn them out.

Badlydrawnbear: I think leaving a small amount of air at the tip of the syringe is important. I re-read recently that air can cause a stroke and all this other stuff, but I'm telling you, if I had only learned that that little bit of air could get a self-register every time and I wouldn't have been sitting there pulling on that thing- trying to force it to register when it wasn't going to register and missing when I first started--I mean, I haven't killed a single vein since I learned how, and man, I probably killed a bunch when I was learning. I almost lost my leg when I first started from an abscess, and it was because I didn't know how to shoot. I didn't know that if you washed the barrel off with cold water just before you go in, it's so important--not hot water, not alcohol. You know, you're actually lubing it up just before it goes in so that vein doesn't run away. Because there's not speed on the outside of the barrel making things go "ow" as it goes in, it's all common sense now- but I know that there's new people that are learning, and they don't know that yet.

Mike: Yeah, I wish I had known about veins, like not to over do it. I kept doing it in the same spot over and over and over again. Now whenever I go to get blood drawn in the hospital, I tell them, just get the butterfly out. You know, don't try and find it. So I wish I had known not to re-use needles. When I started there wasn't any of that information out- that's why I think that harm reduction is really important.

Speedometer: What would you tell somebody who was new at injecting around taking care of themselves?

Mike: There's no need to ever use a dirty needle. You can buy them at the drug store now. You can get them for free seven days a week. You don't have to share or reuse a needle- there's no need to do it.

Badlydrawnbear: You know, there's a lot of really important things that I could say, but you know, the single one that sticks out in my mind is- you will never ever have a mark on your body at all--your veins will all be there; everything will be there--if you only use a needle once.

So if I accidentally pricked myself while using I dull the needle. If I put that one away, squirt it into a brand new needle again before I start, I will never ever have track marks.

Mike: Do you do that?

Badlydrawnbear: I really do. I try to. I mean, occasionally, if it's like right there, bang-bang, but I know to stop myself if I get discouraged--if I'm ever getting discouraged about it, I stop and I change equipment. And I teach my friends, and they're starting to do it, slowly but surely. But they think they've failed if they can't get a vein with that first one. Sometimes, you get a bad rig, you know, or whatever. For whatever reason, if it ain't working; switch equipment. It's not you; your body didn't change. For whatever reason- it's that needle. Get a new one. Squirt it into the new one and go from there.

Speedometer: That's great advice.

Mike: There's nothing wrong with booty bumping it. You know, if it gets to be a drag-- the whole purpose to me of doing drugs is to have fun and to get high. When it becomes a chore and a drag, and you're trying and spending more than like a half hour its like- what's the point.

Speedometer: Would you feel comfortable giving some tips on doing a good booty bump?

Mike: Of course, break the point off! If you're not used to inserting things in your ass, lube it up. Lay down on your stomach or on your back--any way you feel comfortable, but standing up is not good. If the dope is raw--like, really cranky stuff, I wouldn't booty bump it, because that will really irritate your rectum. If you want to get the same sort of rush or high you get from shooting it, I would use more speed than I would shooting it and more water.

Speedometer: To dilute it?

Mike: Right. If you're used to doing like a .20, then you might want to do a .30 or .35 or whatever with a little bit more water, and give yourself time to feel it. It's going to take a little bit longer, and it will be a different kind of high. It's going to spread through your body and you're not going to feel the rush in one place. But it's better than throwing a syringe full of blood in your garbage can saying Oh I blew $30 or $40. I've gotten abscesses on my ass, where the bacteria are trying to get out, I guess. You know, that's a very bad place to have an abscess. So that's the downside. And you can irritate your intestinal track and rectum and you're not going to have normal life in your butt for a day or two.

Speedometer: And Badlydrawnbear, you're not into the booty bumping?

Badlydrawnbear: No, but I have done it. I would say in moderation. That's one place you don't want to get things screwed up. Like, common sense says you don't want to go and cause an ulcerated anything back there. I used to booty bump cocaine when I was doing cocaine, and I had huge chunks up in there, and I thought that was the coolest thing in the world. It's just better in moderation if you're going to do that. And let someone know--if you're bare-backing or something, let the person that's topping know that you've just done that, because they may not want to be irritated on the outside of their penis, you know? To each his own. I was partying with a group of my friends and I had to go hide to shoot, but they knew what I was doing; it was okay; I was allowed; I didn't leave anything behind; I was very clean. But they were all booty bumping, and I thought, you know what? You're just one more step away--you're on the last step before you try it the way I'm doing it. So you're kidding yourselves right now, guys. So that's what I was thinking, and I didn't say it to them, but I think they'll slam.

If they asked me, I would show them how to do it right, but I won't hit any of them for their first time. I would let them hit themselves for the first time. I'm not going to do it.

That isn't why I dislike the person who hit me the first time. I mean, someone else was going to do it, it didn't matter.

Speedometer: Well, it's a hard choice. It's not an easy choice.

Mike: Yeah, you know, I've said that I wouldn't hit someone, but I don't say that much anymore, because if someone is really begging me to do them, then it's their choice; they just don't know how to do it, and I figure that I might as well show them. But I tell them- you really should learn how to do it yourself. One thing I don't get is people that like to run it but can't run it themselves, I don't get that. I don't understand that.

Badlydrawnbear: Well legally, they're putting you in a position that if they die and you're the one that hit them, it's going to be second-degree manslaughter or something on you- that you have to go to court and prove, and you may not win anyway, so you know, you are taking a lot of responsibility when you hit somebody else, whether it's their first or last time.

Mike: That's true. That's true. I didn't think of that.

Speedometer: What do you think are some misconceptions people have about people who inject drugs? Have you experienced that people have some wrong ideas?

Mike: I think most people assume that if you shoot you are doing heroin--or they assume that we're the lowest of the low. People that snort look down on people that shoot. I think that's stupid. It's all about the bloodstream. It gets in your blood, anyway.

Badlydrawnbear: That it's messy, that we discard our dirties everywhere we go, and that we don't really care about anything but ourselves. There are people out there that are that way, but I think that's what we're here to do today, is make sure that those of us that aren't causing harm can change it. I only do one drug now. I used to do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I just do speed now. I go up and I guess I come down when I come down, but I don't do valium to taper off; I don't do any of these other things. This is what I told my doctor the day before yesterday. I used to be prescribed 2400mg of Motrin, 100mg of Sudafed, Flonase--I mean, you name it; I had this whole list of stuff that I was supposed to take on a daily basis for the rest of my life. I do 30 in a shot on a daily basis and I don't need all that other stuff anymore. So every time I've talked about that to my doctors, they really don't have a good argument yet. That's the reason I'm still fighting for meth, is they don't have a good argument against it, because I think they suddenly realized that all that stuff that mankind has made and put on the market has its adverse side effects, too, and that if this person were just to do 30 a day for the rest of their life, is that so bad? And they don't argue very much. So I'm still hanging in there trying to get it legal one of these years.

Speedometer: Yeah, that was one of my questions. Have you ever had to deal with judgment around injecting or drug use when seeking medical care or services--how do you deal with that if that does happen?

Mike: That's a struggle for me because I feel like I'm not getting the medical care that I need. You know, I used to at Stonewall, because they didn't mind prescribing SSRIs on top of speed, but after I left there subsequent psychiatrists have not been helpful, to the point where I don't have a shrink right now, and I really should have one. I have clinical depression as my diagnosis, but my last doctor was prescribing me something that was basically an old anti-depressant that just put me to sleep. It was almost like a sleeping pill. He was afraid to give me anything else and I just stopped taking it because I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. Right now, unfortunately, crystal meth has become my antidepressant. You know, it used to be prescribed as an antidepressant, but the quality always varies, so you can't depend on it. I really should be under the care of a doctor right now, but the medical establishment won't--you know, they don't see the wisdom in...they are just pushing people away. I will find someone- I haven't given up, but it just takes time.

Speedometer: What about you, Badlydrawnbear? Have you experienced any trouble when you've gotten medical care or other services about your drug use?

Badlydrawnbear: Um, at the VA hospital once in the ER, but it was....You know, it's really how you present yourself to these doctors. If you're in a state of amphetamine psychosis and you walk in the ER telling them you've got bugs all over your body--and that wasn't me on speed, by the way; that was me on coke a long time ago--they're not going to take you serious, but you know, I've heard of people having abscesses at Saint Mary's and they didn't treat them nicely. Well, Saint Mary's treated me so nice the other day, and Davies treated me so nice three years ago when I had abscesses that I wanted lanced. The one three years ago I almost lost my leg. This last one, I wanted it lanced and the doctor listened to me; he lanced it. He said, "Well, it doesn't really look like its got puss in there yet. I don't think we should lance it, we should just fight this with antibiotics." And I know me; I'm not going to take those things on time; I'm probably going to do something that counteracts them anyway, so I wanted it lanced. And I asked him to do it and he did it, and you know what? I don't have a scar on my buttocks today; it looks perfect. It's how you present yourself, you know?

Speedometer: Do you have any tips for guys who maybe aren't so good at presenting themselves sometimes?

Badlydrawnbear: Um, don't be high when you go in there. Know what you're talking about --that's it right there. Either know what you're saying or don't open your mouth. That's the key to life right there, and I need to learn that too, but if you don't know what you're talking about medically, just keep your mouth shut. Other people who use will try to give you all sorts of medical advice out there on the streets, and they don't have a clue what they're talking about, but they believe what they're saying; that's the bad news. So if you go in there and you tell your doctor in the right terms exactly what's up--how many days, and like I said, "Well, I live on the streets; I probably won't be taking my antibiotics; plus I can't afford them; I won't go get them anyways; you'll give me today's dose and that will be it, so if we lance it now it'll get better, I know my body; otherwise, it's going to be coming back more seriously and I'm going to be losing this whole buttocks if you don't help me get what I need", you know? So if you go in there and look them in the eye and tell them the truth--hey, this is the deal- then I think it works a little better, but if you're really stressed out or something, then maybe you should have someone else to go with you, because usually when you're in some state of crisis, they don't tend to work with you very well.

Mike: Right.

Badlydrawnbear: No one does.

Mike: Yeah, their whole attitude is that you're there because you put yourself there by doing drugs; you're not a priority, because someone who is "naturally" sick has priority over you, because you did it to yourself. Um, again, my suggestion is that if you go there for any reason- whether psychosis or whatever, don't tell them you're a regular drug user, because then they're going to give you this whole rap about getting clean- which you don't want to hear from someone you don't know anyways- when you're sick or high or whatever. If you want that, go to a 12 step meeting. So my advice is just go there for what ails you and if speed's part of it, when they ask how often you do speed, just say not that often, so you can get it taken care of--you can get the problem that you really went there for taken care of.

Speedometer: So is there anything else you guys want to add? That was all my questions.

Mike: The only thing I want to add is that you can switch how you use; you can go from shooting to smoking.

Badlydrawnbear: That's true.

Mike: It's not impossible. It's just going to take a while, but your body will adjust.

Badlydrawnbear: In fact, take a period of off time completely before you try to do the smoking. Then you'll be getting high off the smoking.

Speedometer: Well guys, thank you so much!